We think primarily in one of three representational systems; pictures, sounds or feelings. By paying close attention to a persons unconscious eye movements you are able to determine which representational system they are using to access information... and by consciously moving your eyes to a specific location you are able to access different representational systems that will aid with remembering or constructing thoughts!
Once you are aware of
which system your client is using you can speak to them in their language. For
example, if they keep looking up during the conversation they are accessing
visual information and a greater sense of rapport (what is rapport? click here)
would be gained by using visual terminology, such as, ‘That looks
great!’ ‘What a bright idea.’ Or, ‘I see what you mean.’
(Visual thinkers also speak a little faster, their breathing is shallow and they
make many hand gestures during conversation. All of these things can be subtly
paced to encourage trust.)
If a person looks up they are accessing visual information. If a right-handed
individual looked up and to their left (my right) it would indicate that they
are visually remembering a past event. However, if the person was left-handed,
it is very probably that whilst looking up and to (their) left (my right) they
are constructing a visual image. A great way to get people to do this, just to
check which side they look to (as some people do stray from the norm! …and a
few are ambidextrous!) is to ask questions that require visually remembering,
such as, ‘What color is your front door?’ and visual construction, such as,
‘What would a bright orange and green spotted cat look like?’
Similarly, if we look to the side it can help us to remember or imagine sounds. As with the visual thinkers there are exceptions but generally speaking, if a right hand person's eyes move to their left they are remembering a sound and to their right they are constructing one.
Auditory thinkers spend a lot of time looking down and to their left whilst thinking. They also use phrases containing auditory representations, such as, 'that sounds great!'. or, 'that rings a bell' etc. auditory thinkers tend to talk a little slower than visual thinkers, we (I am primarily an auditory thinker!) also touch our mouth and chin a lot! I often catch myself pulling at my lips while thinking; it is as though my hands are uncontrollably trying to reveal my representation system to anybody that is watching! Another indication of an auditory thinker is their lip movements. They often sub-vocalize as they are thinking and lip movements are common.... some take this a step further and are happy to talk aloud to themselves!
A kinesthetic thinker will look down and to their right, they need to grasp an idea until it feels right. They make decisions with gut feelings and tend to talk a lot slowly than others. Kinesthetic thinkers are very aware of their body and are masters of its abilities. A common misconception of kinesthetic thinkers is that they are of low intelligence, this is primarily due to the lack of speed in communication. A footballer would most probably be a kinesthetic thinker, obviously masters of their bodies abilities yet commonly misinterpreted as unintelligent!
Eye movements can also be used consciously. If you were trying to remember how a song goes, then it would help to look for the information where it is stored! By consciously moving your eyes to your left it is easier to remember auditory information. This tool can be very useful during a reminiscent conversation with an old friend!
When we meet people we
engage in small talk to find out what things we have in common. This either
develops into a relationship or it does not. When we meet a person that is like
us this process is nothing less than electric! One thing that Bandler and
Grinder did back in the early 70s was to label people using colored stickers
according to their preferred representation system. They then sat these people
in couples, and watched the results. If the colored stickers were different the
couples displayed little rapport. They felt uncomfortable in the situation and
the conversations were rather brief. However, when the couples were matched they
got on like reunited friends! Quickly gaining rapport and mirroring gestures and
position. The conversations flowed effortlessly and the couples liked each
other.
This is the basis of rapport building. If the patient
perceives us as being like them then they trust us, and they like us.
A conversation between a visual and a kinesthetic thinker can be a disaster. The
later calling the former untrustworthy! This ridiculous conclusion can be made
simply because someone seems to talk too fast! The visual thinker might look
down on the kinesthetic thinker. Believing them to be slow, dull and boring. As
people we stick to our own, this is the reason that a person using a particular
representation system prefers to converse with another from his ‘pack’. It
is also the reason that therapists and salespeople need to be adaptable! Being
an auditory thinker (and a therapist) I am fortunate that it is such a small
step to the visual or the kinesthetic experience, ensuring that I can adapt to
all of my clients and obviously they all like me! ;)